A Guide to Living a Slightly Unusual Life
By Pasionara
Dear Readers,
Now I know you were expecting this month's column to be some salty tome about
our salacious President and his earthy lil' mistress Monica. I'll spare you.
Instead, I want to share with you something that I have been considering as of
late, a sort of attitudinal paradigm shift I find myself undergoing.
I have been considering the healing qualities of pain, the goodness in
problems, the awareness and self love that can be borne of illness, broken-heartedness,
or simply the wrong-headed-ness of another.
I am sure you think I have lost a marble or two, but listen.
We have all been wronged by someone else. We've all lost someone we love,
either through death of a physical, emotional, or spiritual nature. We've all
been subjected to others' lies, underhandedness and grief. In return, we all
cast wrong onto others through gossip, misdeeds, and strife. All of these
things cause pain. The body remembers. The soul captures the pain, and hangs
onto it.
Over time, the pain builds. We want to escape from it, and oftentimes we
do…think of the amount of television you may watch, the binge eating, the
drugs or drinking, the gossip, the hours you spend with this computer. We
want to get away from it, because as time passes, the pain increases to
unbearable levels. Illness can result. It can manifest as a physical
ailment, an addiction, a depression, or worse.
But consider this.
What if instead of running away from problems or pain, we embraced them? What
if we looked at an illness or death not as a disaster, but as a teacher? As a
positive thing? What can we learn from it? Why is it here? What can it
teach us about ourselves and the people around us?
Sounds weird, eh? I know. I am used to thinking of my ex-husband as that Sleeping With the Enemy tyrant who nearly ruined my life with abuse and criticism. But lately I have come to love him again. Not in the way I did when I was married to him, young and naïve sprite that I was. This new love is borne of the realization that I would not have become the person, the woman I am, without having experienced him. I have come to love the fact that I was married to him, because through knowing him and dealing with what he dished out, I came to know some strength from within, strength that has since bolstered me as I walked along a path I could never have foreseen. I don't have children, and have repeatedly beat myself up that I am somehow "not normal." But there is greatness in my childlessness. I can look at my life and see a series of accomplishments that I would not have been able to reap for myself if I had had a child. I have loved in other directions, have helped other people, have been someone who can look outward and away into the eyes and hearts of many people. Perhaps that is the gift I was meant to give in this life. That other gift, the one of childbirth and child-raising, is perhaps best given to others.
From where I sit today, my life is full of positives. Some negatives too. I can choose to dwell on the negatives, the things I didn't get, the lives I haven't lived, the loves I lost, what I haven't done. Or I can look at those negative situations as positive teachers. So I lost a love or two. I would have been different if I hadn't known those people at all. There are strengths and goodnesses I wouldn't have if these people hadn't crossed my path.
It's not simply a matter of forgiveness, of self or others. It requires looking at the situation and taking from it what you need for yourself. Why is this situation/person/problem in my life? What lesson am I meant to learn from its existence?
It all depends on attitude. When you look up the word attitude in the dictionary, one of its definitions is something like "position." Pilots talk about the "attitude" of a plane as its position in the sky, the direction in which it is facing, its tilt into the wind. Makes me think that one can choose the "attitude" of one's heart as well. One's position in the sky, one's soul spot.
What's your position in the sky? Can you take from the negatives in your life and find positives, lessons learned, ways to find love for self and others? For myself, and for those around me, I want to try. I hope you will think about this and try as well. The world looks different when your position in the sky is fast forward and into the wind, strong and courageous.
Feel free to regale me with your wit. pasionara@aol.com.
