This column is for you, the reader, to express an opinion. Like a letter to the Editor. But not. The opinions expressed here are not necessarily shared by Moi. ~Kathy
My Point of View on Manners in Modern Times
A small child approaches the clerk behind the counter at a candy store. She places her item of choice on the counter, along with the money she has been given to pay for this item. The clerk totals the sale, places the item in a bag, and gives both the bag and change to the child. The child says, "Thank you." The clerk replies with, "How cute."
Have we become desensitized to manners in such a way, that when a child utilizes common courtesy, she is basically patted on the head? The proper response to the child's show of manners should have been a simple, "You are welcome," and a smile.
What can be the cause of such changes nowadays? Have we become too busy for such propriety, that we have forgotten the basic rules our Grandparents lived by? I am not referring to rules regarding white shoes, where the salad fork goes, when to wear long gloves, how to properly eat chicken with bones, what tea-length means, etc. I am referring more to a common affinity for our fellow man.
We seem to have moved away from the days of "Treat others as you would like to be treated," to "My time if more valuable than yours, so move aside." Chivalry is not dead, just buried beneath years of narcissism.
I would like to see the return of calling cards (printed paper cards, not from AT&T), greeting passersby with a simple "hello" and a slight bow, engraved thank you notes, and 'dressing' for dinner; the term "call waiting" referring to a social "caller" waiting to be invited for a visit. If a gentleman requests to call upon a lady, socially, he asks, "Would you like to join me for dinner this Saturday?" as opposed to "Whatcha doin' tonight".
Sunday Family Dinners
The entire immediate family, and any other family member, or close family friends who are in close proximity are invited for dinner. Everyone is at the table and enjoys pleasant conversation. This is not the time to: inquire whether or not Joe and Beth have been successful in their attempts at procreation; ask Mother if she plans on leaving you, in her will, the buffet that you have been admiring for years; comment on Junior's poor Algebra grades. When in doubt, smile sweetly and sip your water. Also, a full mouth is a closed mouth. There is no television set turned on; soft music may be played, but with caution; silverware and china is used, not plastic forks and paper plates; Rover is put in a different room, if there is a possibility that he may try to join you in the festivities. Anyone who was not involved in the preparations, which includes the planning, shopping, and cooking, would clear the table and put the kitchen back in order.
Houseguests
Miss Manners defines a houseguest as "a person who stays for a defined and limited amount of time, as opposed to an unanticipated resident, who may be the result of a sudden attack of romance or insanity on the part of one of the residents. (Overnight guests who leave before breakfast don't officially exist.) Respond as promptly as possible to RSVP requests. Treat your host's home as well, if not better than, your own home. Use more modesty in dress and in bathroom habits than you would in your own home. But most importantly remembered is this: "Fish and guests in three days are stale." - John Lyly.
The Date
A gentleman would like to spend an evening with a particular lady. He requests that she join him for, say, dinner. For a Saturday night dinner date, he will ask her no later than Wednesday. She accepts his offer, with no suggestions of restaurants, unless he inquires. He meets her at her house. He goes to the door, and is invited inside. If circumstances are as such that she lives with her parents or has children and they are present, he should meet them. They go to the restaurant he has chosen. The only circumstance he should order for her in one in which she is a deaf mute. Otherwise, she should order for herself. They enjoy an evening of each others undivided attention. If the gentleman invited the lady, he should pick up the check immediately after it has been placed on the table (Unless it is a restaurant where you "pay up front", but we will not go there.) They return to the lady's home where she can invite him inside for coffee or an after dinner drink. Any more than one drink or one cup of coffee is bordering on a breakfast invitation.
Driving
Road Etiquette has been exchanged for laws. There are laws regarding speed, traffic signals, and seatbelts for our safety. It seems we cannot correctly choose a reasonable rate at which to travel. As opposed to taking turns at intersections, we have paid for lights and signs. Since mistakes happen, we must utilize safety measures, but because some of us lack the common sense to use them to protect ourselves, we are told to do so, or (literally) pay the price. We have laws about using turn signals, because other drivers have not been provided an itinerary of our route. There are laws regarding "road rage" because people cannot control their anger, and try to run others off the road, the epitome of bad manners. If we take a moment and let a driver in our lane, it will be of no cost to us. If we would slowly merge with traffic, instead of rushing to the end of the lane, then jumping in front of another driver, they would be less likely to become annoyed.
Thank You Notes
Aunt Barbara and Uncle James found the perfect brass sconces to compliment your chandelier. For Christmas, they delivered them to you a few weeks in advance, so you could display them in during your annual Christmas party. You should not respond to them with, "Gee Aunt Babs and Uncle Jimmy. These are terrific! How much were they?" You thank them, hang them in time for the Christmas party, where surely your Aunt and Uncle have been invited, and send them a handwritten, not typed, thank you note. This note should mention the giver's and receiver's names, the gift, and the occasion, if there is one. A nice touch is engraved thank you cards. The style with the sender's name on the card and address on the envelope are especially attractive.
Call me old-fashioned. Call me pretentious. But don't call me at 4 p.m. for a dinner date the same evening, or to thank me for a wedding gift.
