This Month's Survey: Romance, Kissing, and Sex
Nosy person that I am, I decided to take a survey regarding some very personal stuff. I sent an e-mail link to approximately one hundred people, evenly mixed among males and females. My mail was also forwarded to several hundred other people, via mailing lists. I was sad to find that I received only forty-two responses, however my friend who is an expert in such matters says that the average response rate for surveys is 5%. Mine is probably 15%. Considering that, I have done pretty well!
I had made it an option to fill in name and e-mail address, since I really wanted this survey to be anonymous, mainly for the comfort of those responding. I was surprised to find so many people willing to reveal their identities. (No! I have not named any names here!)
The answers are as follows. I have also added my own comments.
| Age of Responders |
| Under 20 21-30 31-40 41-50 Over 50 |
0 males 7 males 6 males 3 males 1 male |
1 female 7 females 8 females 8 females 1 female |
| Sex of Responders |
| Male: Female: |
17 25 |
| Do you consider yourself to be a romantic? |
| Yes: No: Unsure: |
14 males 1 male 2 males |
20 females 1 female 4 females |
| I had figured that most people would claim to be a romantic. Wonder how many of them don't know the meaning of the word? I think there are lots of dreamers out there, but these people are not necessarily romantic. To me, being a romantic means showing these romantic "feelings" to one's partner, not keeping them to oneself...not making up a fantasy in one's mind, but actually attempting to live it out. |
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Describe the most romantic experience you have ever had. "Spending the night in someone's arms whom I was brooding over. I had found a secluded spot to brood, she found me, and we spent the night together..." "A male friend of mine was leaving town for an extended period of time. I did not expect to see him prior to his leaving as I was dating someone else and we were not really involved in a romantic way. Anyways, I was always saying how I loved his hair - it was great. A few days before he left, he came and brought me a dozen roses and a small jewelry keepsake. He then proceeded to cut off a piece of his har and tie it with a ribbon and leave it with me so I would not forget him. Yeah, it's a little corny, but it was the sweetest thing anyone has done for me." "In college, we were all poor. I was stuck studying for some really big tests. A guy who liked me walked by my open dorm room and quickly left a candy bar and an autumn leaf there with a little note. Then he ran off! So sweet!" "Watching the sunrise at the beach with someone who had just been my best friend until the night before. Our relationship suddenly changed overnight. Watching the sunrise together in each other's arms was something I will never forget." "Ever have one of those dates that you just did not want the night to end? Imagine the conversation being so intriguing as you both discover each other. You are engulfed by this person's charm and become intoxicated as a warm sensation enters your soul. You are beginning to surmise a connection between your lives. For deep inside you, you know out there somewhere in this vast universe is the other half of your hearts core. A kindred spirit! You realize the uncomplicated , effortless flow of being with this person. It's as if this person is a fine Italian custom-made leather glove and you are the hand. You have found the other half of your soul and you envisage the other person feels this connection." "The most romantic experience I ever had was not even with a boyfriend, but a very close male friend. It was New Year's Eve, and I had a terrible cold. My friend invited me to his apartment to watch the fireworks from his balcony. He made me pots of hot tea and plied me with cough drops as we sat close, wrapped in blankets. We talked and laughed and enjoyed the show. I was spending the night, so he tucked me into bed. The next morning, he made me breakfast. By this point, I was feeling much better. Must have been all the love and attention I got the night before." Describe the most romantic thing you have ever done for someone else. "For Christmas one year I wrote a poem that had a riddle or clues to find the ring that I hid inside the piano that you could hear resting on one of the piano strings when you played a certain melody. She was quite surprised." "...when someone is special, every day should be filled with romantic things." "Sending flowers out of the blue. Just to say...I love you." "I do romantic things for my man all the time. Little notes, small gifts, calls just to say, "I love you." Probably the most romantic thing I can do is to be committed heart and soul to him and to our relationship. I am currently in the most romantic relationship of my life, and it's wonderful!" "Made a wonderful, delicious and succulent dinner of his favorite foods, including chocolate fondue and whipped cream to be distributed where he saw fit. Had great romantic jazz on the CD player, lots of candles, flowers for him when he arrived. Greeted him at the door in several layers of clothes (but nicely done). Put Joe Cocker's "You can leave your hat on" on the CD and began to strip down to high heels, seamed stockings and a bustier. We made love several times throughout the night (never took my heels off!) and watched Nine and Half weeks (out favorite movie) and other sultry movies, until we collapsed into sheer exhaustion. Spent the whole next day in bed watching movies, making love and eating disgustingly fattening foods (some that we wore before eating!). What a New Year's Eve and New Year's Day! Forget the pork and sauerkraut...This was much better." |
| When I read the responses to the above two questions, I wondered how many people confuse "romance" with "sensuality"? Many of the responses were of a sexual nature. A few people mentioned giving or receiving hot oil massages. Now, I can see that being sensual, but how is that romantic? I believe that romance does not necessarily involve sex; in fact, it probably does not at all, although sex might become part of the picture at some point. |
| Do you enjoy kissing? |
| yes no depends on the kisser |
15 males 0 males 2 males |
16 females 0 females 8 females |
| How do you like your kisses? |
| Wet: Dry: Other: |
15 males 1 male 1 male |
9 females 4 females 12 females |
| If "other" please describe. "Kisses must have passion behind them. I don't think that any two kisses are alike, with so many differences in partners, situations, moods and such. But without passion, the spark is out..." "Lips just lightly brush at first...soft and dry. Then parting and building to a crescendo which embraces the entire body and is felt all the way to one's toes." "Long, deep wet ones that are probing and sweet, not slimy and slobbery." "I do not like tight lipped kisses. Nor do I appreciate being drooled on or choked by a deeply probing tongue! The way I prefer is to be softly kissed, warm lips; relaxed. Anymore than that, and I would have to tell you in person! This is TOO personal." |
| Do you remember your first kiss? Please describe. "Yes, I was about 14 and he was 15. He was wearing a leather jacket and the smell is still one that makes me remember that kiss." "I was 14 and he was 18 and drove a little Fiat car. When he dropped me back home, he parked at the top of my driveway (which was the top of the hill) and while we were kissing it was so exciting, I felt like we were moving. Hahaha...he forgot to engage his emergency brake and we rolled back down the driveway." "I was a really late bloomer. My first kiss happened when I was 21. Seriously! I was in a nightclub, and had just finished slow dancing with this complete stranger. He kissed me when we walked off the dance floor. It was a very long and passionate kiss. I was rather overwhelmed. This guy was from El Salvador and spoke no English; I of course spoke no Spanish. We exchanged phone numbers, and he did call me, but I decided that learning a new language was too much work!" |
| How important is kissing ability in a relationship? |
| Highly Important: Moderately Important: Not at all Important: |
8 males 5 males 4 males |
22 females 4 females 0 females |
| Have you ever dated someone with whom you were completely uncompatible, kiss-wise? |
| Yes: No: Not Yet: |
8 males 3 males 6 males |
15 females 4 females 5 females |
| If "yes", did you try to change the situation by "teaching" him or her "your" method?
Did it work? Explain. "Nope haven't tried to teach them and not going to either. Just won't pursue it anymore." "Dumped him. He was a stupid pupil." "Tried to show the kisses down and show him to take his time...but it didn't work and neither did the relationship. Kissing is VERY important!!!!" "I asked him to relax, etc. He said he was. I think that was our last date. And I have yet to find my broom handle." "I never actually dated the guy, we just hung out together. He grabbed me one night in my kitchen and kissed me. The kiss was all tongue. Bleah. I liked the guy, and might have considered dating him, but after that kiss, no way!" |
| Kissing is one of my hobbies. Regrettably, I do not get to participate in this activity as much as I would like :) I like somewhat dry kisses, at least not slobbery, lots of lip action and just a hint of tongue. And....well, I won't go any further. I really dislike being assaulted by a strong tongue. I had manned a kissing booth for a fund raiser some time ago, and I experienced many different kisses. Most of them turned me off completely. Very glad I never had to kiss any of them again, and if the time arose that I did, say, another fund raiser event, I would politely decline their money and send them to the next girl :) The men I have been involved with all have been pretty decent kissers. None I can complain about, anyway. I must admit, the man I am dating is absolutely the best kisser...and I am not just saying that because he is probably reading this. ;) |
| How important is sex in a relationship? |
| Highly Important: Moderately Important: Not at all Important: |
7 males 8 males 2 males |
13 females 12 females 0 females |
| How old were you when you had your first sexual experience? Four people did not respond to this question. The average age was 17, which seems normal to me. I did receive some as young as 8 and 10, and one really late bloomer who was 25. |
| Was your first sexual experience: |
| Positive: Negative: Forgotten: |
13 males 3 males 0 males |
10 females 9 females 5 females |
| If negative, explain how: "The guy was so small, I couldn't even tell when the "moment" actually occurred. LOL" "It was totally 'SEX'...not making love...he could have cared less whether or not I enjoyed it." |
| Stereotypically, most men had positive first sexual experiences. I find it interesting that there were almost as many women who had a negative experience as had a positive one. Several of the negative responses came from individuals who had been molested their first time. But several were from women who had partners that just didn't give a damn. I find it sad that there were responses to "forgotten". One of those was from an under-20 year old who started out at 17. |
| How many lovers have you had? The answers went from the sublime to the promiscuous...I mean...ridiculous. No big surprise that eleven people declined to answer this question. Wonder how many of them were embarassed at the figure? I was amazed to find there was one virgin, a male under the age of 30. More power to him!!! The average seems to be 5 lovers. One 31-40 male said 30+ (starting at age 10). A woman felt the need to break down female and male lovers for me, but her total was 41 so far. One might expect that the older responders might have more lovers, but those tended to stay within the average. Do you have any regrets about your sexual past? Explain. Mainly there were no regrets, excepting for those who had been molested, and a few who wished they had been in love that first time around. Do you have any additional comments on the subjects of romance, sex, and kissing? "Lack of romance, sex and kissing can lead to many hours of online time on AOL!" "As someone who is very interested in these subjects I believe that first and foremost in a relationship there must be communication. Without communication there is no romance, sex and kissing worth talking about." "My current boyfriend, live-in lover of 3 years, doesn't like kissing much. He won't admit to it, but he hardly every kisses. Great sex, but almost never kisses me. I'm really frustrated. I'm really missing past boyfriends who were such wonderful and willing kissers." |