Zimagal Monthly Magazine - Volume One, Issue Seven

Have a burning question for the Minx to answer? Please E-mail them to her.
Due to the amount of mail the Minx receives, a personal reply will not be possible,
but all questions will be considered for publication.

Dear Minx,
I have been invited to be an intern at the White House. The problem I face is that I am not particularly attracted to neither Bill nor Hillary. How do I make sure neither desire any "special" attention from me?
-Not Monica in Des Moines
Dear Not,
If you are female, then I would say that there is no way to keep ol' Slick Willie away. Pepper spray makes a nice deterrent though. As for Hillary - the First Dog was neutered earlier this year, so you shouldn't have problems there either. Oh wait - Hillary is his wife, right?

Dear Minx,
I have a female friend who I am absolutely crazy about. Unfortunately, I don't think she is interested in me beyond friendship. When I have joked with her about the two of us getting together, she doesn't say no, she just laughs. We are currently dating other people, and I am pretty well involved with my new girl. Should I continue to date her and forget about the friend, or should I still keep a flame burning in my heart for her?
-Confuzzled
Dear Confuzzled,
Forget the friend. She obviously has her head up her ass. Have a fufilling and wonderful relationship with your current squeeze. And if the time comes that the friend realizes her own feelings for you, just laugh at her. And don't give me that When Harry Met Sally shit.

Dear Minx,
I can't seem to find satisfaction in life. Any suggestions?
-Clueless
Dear Clueless,
Have you tried changing the batteries?

Dear Minx,
I like to wear garters, bras, and panties that all match. My boyfriend thinks this is too picky. Am I just being anal?
-Miss Match
Dear Miss,
I wouldn't know of your bedroom activities, but I assure you that matching undies are in the best taste.

Dear Minx,
While having sex with my boyfriend, I have experienced the urgent sensation of having to urinate. Does this mean we have found my "G Spot"?
-Tinkler in Baltimore
Dear Tinkler,
Not the "G Spot" my dear, but the newly discovered "P Spot". The best thing to do is excuse yourself and run quickly to the bathroom. Do try to keep giggling to a minimum though, because for some reason that tends to disconcert the men.

Dear Minx,
I have a dilemma. I am crazy about a particular country singer, and at his last concert, I threw a pair of my panties on the stage. Too late I realized it was a pair which matched a teddie that my boyfriend particularly enjoys on me. How should I set about getting these panties back?
-Tracefan
Dear Tracefan,
I wouldn't worry about it. Just think - will your boyfriend really notice that you are not wearing panties? And if he does, do you think he will complain?

Dear Minx,
I work at an adult video store. My boss wants me to stick around after hours and clean up the aisles all the time. Last night, he wanted me to preview a few films, and give him my opinion. After I was done watching, I discovered I needed to clean up again.... My question is: should we just purchase a steam cleaner, or use Woolite Carpet Cleaner? Which is most thrifty, but will get the job done?
-Stacey in VA
Dear Stacey,
Depending on the type of mess you leave, you might want to vaccuum up the big chunks first, then blot any moisture with paper towelling, following by a good dose of the Woolite. A sprinkle of baking soda afterward should keep the dogs from hanging outside by the door.

Dear Minx,
I have heard that gerbils can be used to heighten sexual pleasure. Does that make them a type of Aphrodisiac?
-Dave in MD
Dear Dave,
Yes, gerbils are most definitely Aphrodisiacs. When sauteed in a little clarified butter and served with a sauce made from pulverized Viagra tablets and heavy cream, gerbils have been known to enhance sexual performance in men up to 300%. It is advised not to overcook the little creatures as they have the most effect when served rare. I also hear that one can use them alive, although the Minx is not sure quite how that is done.

Dear Minx,
My husband has just informed me that he would like to live out a 9 1/2 Weeks-style fantasy with me, particularly the refrigerator scene. Besides the ubiquitous whipped cream and strawberries, are there any foods which you recommend for us to try?
-Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Based on my vast culinary experience, I would suggest chocolate sauce - Hershey's Syrup in a squeeze bottle is especially convenient; and ummm..bananas, not overripe - too messy...don't ask. One thing to definitely avoid - habanero peppers. Talk about a hunka hunka burnin' love...

Dear Minx,
I am thinking about getting into golden showers. Tell me, is it advisable to do this while actually in the shower, or would a shower curtain on the floor suffice? And since I am usually quite obsessive, what type of flooring do you suggest I invest in for my next house?
-Pissed in Pitt
Dear Pissed,
The shower might be a tad cramped; go for the floor. I would recommend sheet vinyl as the easiest to clean, followed by glazed tile. I would NOT recommend wall-to-wall carpet.