Minx, the Magazine - Issue Four, Volume Two

Random Rant:
Inept sysops who are asked to correct a problem on their system should not roll their eyes and act as if they are being inconvenienced.

Bus Stop Blues
I am accepting of the fact that I live in Baltimore City, and am one of the minority as a caucasian female. I accept that any given bus stop downtown will have a mob of people waiting for public transportation to take them to their home or work or wherever. As a non-driver, I can't be too picky about the conditions in which I am occasionally forced to travel. But why is it that of all the weirdos that exist in the world, most of them are also waiting for a bus?

I recently had to rely on public transportation to get home from work as my usual ride home was temporarily vehicle-less. Luckily, there is a bus stop a block from work, so I fixed myself in a spot there and waited eagerly for my bus.

The corner was heavily populated with people; there were men missing front teeth, droning tonelessly at the top of their lungs about unintelligible rantings; a couple of women with big hair bitching about the bitches that stole their men; a few youths in baggy-ass jeans showing off their brand of underwear. The usual. I found myself a spot against a wall and observed as I waited for the bus.

After numerous 8s and 14s and 103s passed, I noticed an attractive, gray-haired middle-aged black gentleman approaching from the West. He wore an open overcoat with a tasteful suit-and-tie combination and carried a briefcase. I figured him to be a professor at the Law School, from which direction he came. He said something brief to two women while passing them; I imagine it was "hello," or "good afternoon." He looked my way as he passed, but I do not like to make eye-contact with strangers - I feel it too much of an invitation to invade my personal space - and kept my gaze upon the approaching traffic.

I stood there for a few moments more, then felt something begin to brush past my torso. My immediate thought was that the bus stop was not so crowded that a person needed to touch another to get by, and that it must be a drunk. I immediately turned to my right to see who it was and found it to be the gray-haired man, who murmured "hey baby," as he continued his way horizontally past me. I was disgusted. I murmured back, "get the fuck away from me," and abruptly headed East, away from that corner. I realize that one cannot judge a book by its cover, but I did not really need the proof of that.

Random Rant
What is the attraction of gold teeth? Is it merely a way of living the adage, "put your money where your mouth is?"

Random Rant
Beautiful, smart, potentially powerful women who settle depress me.

The Art of the Insult
Few people these days can come up with a really good insult. I pride myself on being one of those few. Unfortunately, by the time I finish ruminating over the exact right thing to say, the occasion passes, and I am left with nothing more than a stinging phrase and a sense of remorse over its waste.

For example, I was shopping at the Inner Horrible recently and on crossing Pratt Street spotted two swarthy young men of Middle Eastern extraction accompanied by a rather plump, very white teenager whose roots were probably white trash, and they were showing. The first man appraised me up and down as he walked by; the second was too busy with marshmallow girl. A shame a car didn't come speeding along while the first was craning his neck as he passed me; he might have lost a few limbs for his trouble. In many people this gawking might evoke the response, "take a picture, it lasts longer." But that is too typical for me. I almost wished we were crossing the same direction. I could hear his friend say to him now, "she's looking back at you." I would then have rejoined, "but there is a difference. He's looking at me as if I were a piece of meat; I am looking at him as if he were a piece of trash." This comment would of course leave them agape and hating the boldness of crass American women. Tough titties, I would think as I strode past them, head held high.

Alas, that little dream scenario did not occur, but the thought of it kept my spirits buoyed until I reached my destination.

To some, an insult is, "your mother wears combat boots," or "you're so ugly, your mother tied a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you." To me, that's just boring and uncreative. I prefer to confuse people with big words and obscure references. Only the intelligent can appreciate my brand of come-back. A shame I waste it on the insipid and banal :)

A Law for Murphy
I was waiting for a ride one frigid winter evening. It was too cold to stand outside, so I waited in the vestibule of my building. This entranceway has two sets of three doors. I stood near the outer one on the far right, my body partly in the way. Of course, in doing so, I invoked one of Murphy's many laws. Everyone who entered or exited the building had to do so through the door in front of which I was standing. I received a blast of cold air each time this happened and so I moved to stand in front of the center door, hoping to avoid this phenomenon.

Wouldn't you know it, as soon as I took my new position in front of the middle door, that one became the favored spot for comings and goings. I had to wonder, are people being intentionally rude to me by causing me to step out of the way as they used my door? Or was it just coincidence? Is there a natural inclination towards being annoying? There was plenty of room on either side of me, and the remaining two doors were unblocked; I could see no reason for the continued use of the one before me. I would have chosen the one farthest from a waiting person, both out of courtesy, and for personal reasons: I don't like people and try to find ways to avoid contact with most of them.

One last time, I moved to the left. I stood in front of the last door, body completely blocking the entrance. A person would have to shove me out of the way to get by, at which time a belligerent me would be ready for a fist fight. I was cold and tired of waiting already, although I was now becoming intrigued by the behavior patterns I was witnessing. I would not have been surprised if someone came up behind me and hit the handicapped auto door button which controlled the door directly in front of me. Luckily my ride showed up before this happened.

I am sure I will get another chance to test this theory in the future. I'll keep you posted.

Stay Tuned For the Next Exciting Bitchfest!

Random Rant
April showers bring May flowers. May flowers bring pollen and allergy season! Time to refill that prescription for Allegra!

Random Rant
Confucious say: Man with pierced penis have holes in both heads.

Random Rant
Computer goons who get paid to sit around and wait for a problem to arise should be given manual labor tasks to do in their spare time to earn their keep.

Randon Rant
if you dont want my opinion - dont ask for it!

Randon Rant
If you have read all the way down to here simply because you hope you'll get mentioned - dream on!