The people around me began to ask questions, my friendships changed - no longer was I the friend everyone could count on. I needed help and support and all I found was confusion and anger that I was changing and could not be there for them as I had been in the past. I remember telling them I felt as if I were being sucked into a black hole and the person inside that was me, was disappearing, becoming invisible. My behavior became bizarre, I was being controlled by obsessive thoughts, I felt compelled to do certain things, things I had never done and never would have considered before. I had no idea what was happening or why. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know what to do about it.
Finally after seeing a doctor and having a physical which revealed nothing, I was referred to a therapist. During the sessions with her, we covered a lot of ground and after a number of visits, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Although I had wanted a reason to explain my behavior, this was not the one I desired. Being diagnosed as mentally ill is almost as bad as dealing with the disorder itself. I was put on medications and counseled to continue with therapy, along with intermittent vists with the psychiatrist for medication checks. As the medication started to work within my mind, the clouds of the illness began to clear.
Bipolar disorder is a physiological disorder which affects those who have it mentally, specifically emotionally. In its severest manifestations it is characterized by major mood swings, loss of judgment and at times bizarre psychotic behavior. Deep depressions and intoxicating manias, that are the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain, can keep one off balance for years if not treated. Bipolar disorder is not curable but highly treatable and controllable. With medication and counseling many with the disorder lead wonderful productive lives, with few differences from "non-mentally ill" people. Those with bipolar disorder do have a suicide rate much higher than the national norm. Though there is much research, a specific cause for bipolar disorder has not been identified, but it is believed to be hereditary.
