Minx, the Magazine - Issue Three, Volume Two

Greetings, Earthlings!
Ok, I know this column ain't the "AOL Diaries" (not by a longshot), but I am glad to know that some of you are at least giving it a cursory glance. Perhaps if I spiced it up a bit with some juicy gossip, you'd read more? Or if I placed a tantalizing image here and there, you'd force yourself to peruse the column with a tad more interest?

Well, if you have any gossip you'd like me to print, or anything else you'd like to share, send 'em to me at tidbits@theminx.com, and I'll consider 'em for publication.

Mariah Carey
Not a bitchy bitch, just a dumb bitch:
From USA TODAY Monday,February 8, 1999:
At a press conference to release her latest single, 'I Just Called', an unremarkable cover version of Stevie Wonders song, Mariah Carey expressed deep sorrow at the death of a 'dear friend'.

Mariah told CNN "I'm inconsolable at the present time, I was a very good friend of Jordan, he was probably the greatest basketball player this country has ever seen. We will never see his like again."

When told by reporters that it was King Hussein of Jordan, and not Michael Jordan, who had died, a dazed Mariah was led away in tears by her security staff.

Mariah's press office released a statement later saying that the singer had been under 'enormous pressure' recently, and would like to apologise for seeming a little vacant. She also stated that her thoughts were with Iraq at this 'terrible time'.

This month's recipe comes from my favorite Ber, who says, "Easiest dough to roll out I’ve ever worked with."

Apple of My Eye Pie
CRUST
4 c. all-purpose flour
1 c. butter (2 sticks)
3/4 c. shortening
1 Tbs. sugar
1/2 c. water
2 tsp. vinegar 1 egg

1. Cut the butter and shortening thoroughly up in the flour along with sugar and salt.
2. Beat the water egg and vinegar together and add to the flour mixture.
3. Knead with hands till well mixed and separate into two balls.
4. Chill at least 30 minutes or overnight.
Yield: (2) 9-inch double crust pies or (3) 9-inch shells.

FILLING
7 Stayman Apples cored, peeled & quartered
4 Tbs. (1/2 stick) of butter, melted
1 c. sugar
1/3 c. raisins
1/3 cup chopped walnuts
2 Tbs. corn starch
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
juice of 1/2 lemon
1 tsp. vanilla extract

1. Cut apples into 1-inch chunks and put in large mixing bowl. Add the juice of the lemon and mix well. Add the butter, and remaining ingredients and stir well till well coated.
2. Put into pie shell with top crust (sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon) and bake for 1 hour 15 minutes at 350 degrees.

The Name Game
Expecting a baby and not yet sure of what name you might want it to have? I've devised a little game that might make it a little easier for you. If you take in consideration some of the names I have encountered recently, you'll agree that this is the method most of those peoples' moms used too.
Just pick one from column A, one from column B, and one from column C. Feel free to leave out a column, if you wish...have fun!

A

La
Qui
She
Art
Shaq
Tam
Charn
Dor
Mik
Quanta
Sha
Da
Shar
Tak
Na
Kei
Aqua
Dwan

B

sha
quin
quan
twan
quon
ira
meel
von
she
ee
na
niq
neek
won
kon
oc
nitt
nic

C

ika
etta
itta
shawnda
da
quon
quanna
na
iqua
ma
tae
ease
reese
eesha
etra
sha
aun
vona

Food for Thought

This was forwarded to me in an e-mail, originating from HipMamas@onelist.com. I do not know the original author, but thought the information was interesting enough to pass on.

Marilyn Monroe, still considered one of the sexiest women to ever work in film, was a size 14. (No really! It's true!) In fact, in some of her best-known films (Love Happy, Some Like It Hot) she got up to a size 16. Mae West, who was also considered an incredibly sexy, sensual, attractive woman during her heyday (during the flapper era no less) was the equivalent of a size 18. Two excellent examples of how astonishingly, amazingly beautiful so-called "plus-sized" women can be.

Now, the flip side...

The current average dress size of a Hollywood actress is (turn your head if you're squeamish) a size 2. A SIZE 2! Some of the "bigger" actresses get up to a size 4, many are as small as a size 0... one currently popular actress (and, I might add, one who is much-admired by almost every man I know), Kate Winslet, is "fat" by Hollywood standards at a whopping size 6.

To put this in perspective...

According to the Victoria's Secret catalog (long a bastion of unrealistic and unreasonable expectations of women's bodies... although I do admit to shopping there sometimes myself) a ladies' size 2 measures as follows: Bust: 32 Waist:23 Hip: 33

For purposes of comparison, I looked around in a few other catalogs to see just how big a size 2 really is. Here's a sobering realization for everybody: the waist measurement of a size 2 dress (23 inches) is also the waist measurement for another size: a 4T! (That is, for the non-maternal among us, an article of clothing designed to fit a normal 4-year-old child.)

The reality of a size 4T (to make this even scarier) is that few four year old children wear a 4T -- more like 2.5 - 3 year olds. I'm a mom and have lots of friends who have children -- none of our kids, with the exception of my youngest (who was a peanut at that age) wore a 4T at age 4. They were all closer to 3 years of age.

So, children who are barely out of diapers have the same waist size as many Hollywood stars. That is scary.

Another chuckle from an e-mail:
HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN AND STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

He does not have a beer gut,
He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.

He is not quiet,
He is a Conversational Minimalist.

He is not stupid,
He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.

He does not get lost all the time,
He discovers Alternative Destinations.

He is not balding,
He is in Follicle Regression.

He is not a cradle robber,
He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.

He does not get falling-down drunk,
He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.

He does not have his head up his ass,
He suffers from Rectal-Cranial Inversion.

He is not short,
He is Anatomically Compact.

He does not have a rich daddy,
He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.

He does not constantly talk about cars,
He has a Vehicular Addiction.

He does not have a hot body,
He is Physically Combustible.

He is not unsophisticated,
He is Socially Challenged.

He does not eat like a pig,
He suffers from Reverse Bulimia.

He is not a bad dancer,
He is Overly Caucasian.

He is not a sex machine,
He is Romantically Automated.

He does not hog the blankets,
He is Thermally Unappreciative.

He is not a male chauvinist pig,
He has Swine Empathy.

He does not undress you with his eyes,
He has an Introspective Pornographic Moment.

He is not afraid of commitment,
He is Monogamously Challenged.

One Response?

Last month, I posted Suzanne's interesting article on sandwich personalities. I added a few sandwich recipes of my own and asked you all to supply personalties for them. Well, to my utter disappointment, I only received one reply, from one of my very own staff no less, which follows:

"PB&J is someone who is a child at heart. This person will be a little messy, sticky, but will look at you with a silly grin dispite all that goop (going on in his/her life) on his/her face ."
~Stacey

Surely you all read and enjoyed that informative bit of literature by our favorite Shmandy-pants. She was dead-on with some of her descriptions, and we both could think of the perfect person to be bologna on white. I am sure you can too. What say you read the column again and give me some sandwich concoctions of your own for next month?

I must say, I did agree with her assessment of my persona as a sandwich, and invite her to make more observations on our friends and acquaintences. Perhaps a sequel for a future issue?