Minx, the Magazine - Issue Two, Volume Two

Random Rant:
Petty cosmetic rant: perle and frost nail polishes look pretty, but chip too easily. I think a reformulation is in order! Thank heavens I don't pay for my manicures.

The Thought that Counts?
Ok...Valentine's Day is swiftly approaching. Stores the likes of K-Mart, Target, and Wal-Mart have had those cheap and ugly heart-shaped boxes of poor-quality chocolates out since the day after Christmas. Tacky polyester "silk" rosebuds on plastic stems wait eagerly in vases by cash registers in every drug and convenience store in the country. Is this what Valentine's Day is all about? Do you men really think that your women appreciate such garbage bought at the last minute, and only because you know you'll get the cold shoulder if you don't bring something home? Might as well throw in a gourmet meal at McDonald's or Kentucky Fried for good measure.

Same goes to you women - doesn't your man deserve better than a last minute thought? No? Then why are you with him?

Sad, innit?

I am a firm believer of giving from the heart. Gift-giving is a serious thing to me...I always carefully take into account the likes and dislikes, needs and wants of the recipient before I make a selection. In most cases, I prefer to hand-make a gift, whether it be a painting, jewelry, or flavored oils and vinegars. Of course I understand that not everyone has the inclination to be artistic or creative. And that's ok! The only real criterion to gift-giving is thought.

Now think hard about what your sweetheart might really appreciate. What would tell him or her "I love you," besides actually saying it? Does he or she spend the day standing? How about a nice foot massage after work? If she ordinarily does all the cooking, why don't you make her dinner this time, fella? (and wash the dishes too!) If she'd be content with a box of chocolates, give her Godiva or Rhebs or Sees, or some other high-quality brand. Whitman's Samplers and Russel Stover just doesn't cut it! And make sure the roses (or whatever her favorite flower may be) are real.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to make this Valentine's Day special for your significant other. And then carry that feeling with you for the rest of your time together. Keep in mind that this is just one day out of the year, but your sweetie deserves to be thought of and treated well every day!

Random Rant
Women with baby voices aren't impressive to anyone except the bimbo men whom they bed. If you have some power, don't be a wolf in sheep's clothing - show the world you are a wolf! Otherwise, shut up!

Random Rant
Ever want to try on a really bad headache for size? Drink too much wine the night before. I guarantee there will be little men with hammers in your head in a matter of hours!

Desperate Living
How sad it is when someone cries out for attention in desperate and somewhat sickening ways. I speak of online Nazis and their lapdogs (to borrow Christopher's terms), who for lack of friendship and human affection, have banded together to create a single non-entity, still crying piteously for attention, and unfortunately getting it...however, in the form of ignominy and disgrace rather than the sought-after stardom and praise.

In my opinion, it is easy to get attention from strangers; it is far more difficult to get respect, love, and friendship.

Now there is an even sadder case of a cry for help. Apparently, there is a person, presumably a woman, claiming to be a model, and indeed sending out photos of an attractive woman, who feels the need for attention-grabbing. Now, we who chat for amusement's sake are probably all guilty of being attention-hogs through our chat room antics. That is not so much the problem here. What is the most disgusting thing about this person's behavior is what happened on a message board. There was an apologetic post from an alleged former boyfriend, and her response to it, claiming that he had beaten her and then been put in jail.

This has happened before; every once in a while, someone chooses to air his or her dirty laundry on a message board or accuses someone else of violent behavior. Sometimes these posts may be true, but it is really nothing that should be made public. In this instance, it is painfully apparent that both the "abusive boyfriend" and the "abused girlfriend" are one and the same person. Both posts were made in the same extra-large font size, and both contained the same sorts of grammatical and spelling errors. After observing her in a chatroom one evening, I noticed that she and the "abusive boyfriend" both spelled "Louisiana" without the first "i." Coincidence? I think not. If this is not bad enough, the naive people who read the boards posted in support of her, and inquire about her health in the chat room, not knowing that they have been cruelly fooled. To increase the attention she receives, she frequently comments on the injuries she has sustained, eliciting sympathy from the masses. Especially those masses to whom she has sent photographs.

I hope I am wrong in my assessment of this character, but I have a feeling I am not. Other people have noticed the same things that I have noticed, so I am not alone in my thinking. I also have the sneaking suspicion that this person is not a female, but a male roomie who has exhibited bizarre behavior at times, including making inappropriate posts to the same message board.

I do so pity the poor unfortunate souls who need to go to such dramatic efforts to gain a little recognition in the world, no matter how slight, even if the attention is nothing but pity. But I guess we need that sort of loser in the world to make the rest of us look better.

Snow Daze
I sat on the sofa with my sweetheart, knuckles white from gripping the edge of the cushion. I held my breath as my eyes remained transfixed upon the spectacle in front of us; a thin sweat broke out on my brow. Was I watching a gruesome account of war in a foreign land? a horror movie? an accident? No. I was watching the Weather Channel and listening to a forecast of snow and freezing rain for the area.

Now why should something like that work me up so much? Because of the insanity that erupts in this area when the words "snow" and "ice" are mentioned. Marylanders become panic-stricken when faced with the white stuff. Because we are not used to slippery conditions, the state's budget for salt trucks and snow plows is minimal. And because most people tend to think the worse - that a few inches of snow will prevent them from ever getting out again in this lifetime - they flock to the grocery stores to buy up all the bread, milk, and toilet paper. They do not realize that their frenzied flight to stock up is exactly what causes havoc on the roads. If people didn't leave the house until they absolutely had to, Mother Nature would soon work her magic and let the sun come out to melt all that big bad snow.

Lucky for me, I don't drive, and I could easily stay home from work without suffering too much, since I get paid hourly and can miss a day or three here or there. But what about my loved ones who have to get up extra early and shovel out, only to face a frustrating drive in bumper-to-bumper 10 mph traffic on roads full of complete and utter morons? Maryland drivers are hardly the best in the world as it is, a fact so frequently pointed out to me by my friends from out-of-state. In icy situations, they are even worse. And my dad, my brother, and my boyfriend, not to mention all of my other friends (all good drivers - ok, where's my $10), are out in the thick of it, causing me to worry for their safety.

My advice to you, in a bad-weather situation, is this: stay home. Work will still be there tomorrow. Milk tastes terrible. Bake your own bread. And that stack of magazines in the bathroom makes fine toilet paper. You're better off just sitting home and reading some entertaining Web 'zine.... :)

Stay Tuned For the Next Exciting Bitchfest!

Random Rant
I am thinking of compiling a list of people "too stupid to live." Yes, most of you will probably be on it.

Random Rant
Why does it seem that buses run off-schedule mostly when it's cold and rainy?

Random Rant
Kathy's Piercing Ratio: Number of piercings in body other than ears = number of times dropped on head in infancy.

Randon Rant
Why do people who post on message boards or to newsgroups sign their mail with their screen name or whatever goofy monicker they picked for an e-mail name? After all, it's clear that the posting or mail came from them, why the sign it "Whisper901" or "Fre873084?" Why not do something daring, like sign with your real first name, a nickname...or better yet...nothing at all.

Randon Rant
You're still here? Good :) Thanks for reading!