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Suzanne's Sandwich Theory
by Schmanda <---send comments or hate mail to her, not to the Minx!
Everyone is a sandwich! That is, everyone can be represented by a
sandwich...the contents, the condiments, bread, etc. The theory originated
years ago when I was trying to convince my very good friend why she should not
be dating a certain guy. I tripped over my words and excuses until I just
blurted out that she couldn't date him because "he's just like bologna on
white bread!" Now, I am not saying there is anything wrong with this sandwich
but she understood what I meant - a bologna guy was not the type of guy for her.
Common sandwich people that I often come into contact with are the original
bologna on white bread, meatball sub sandwiches with gooey cheese and the
classic club. Yet, every sandwich can be modified or garnished to fit
someone's personality. There are dozens of details to take into
consideration....how is the sandwich cut? Crust on/off? If there is it
mustard, is it spicy? Parsley on the plate? Are you turkey?......if so,
roasted, smoked or regular? Don't let me get started on breads, white, wheat,
rye, a roll (kaiser, sub, french) pumpernickel? I am sure my soul mate will be
made of pumpernickel so if you see him let me know! Variations are
endless.....the key is detail.
Sandwich Illustrations
Editor's Note: First, Suzanne's interpretation of my sandwich. ~K
You (Kathy) have landed yourself outside the realm of sandwiches and entered
into the alternative world of wraps. I see a veggie wrap, not merely of the
lettuce and tomato variety, but avocado, sprouts, sundried tomatoes, eggplant,
chipotle mayonnaise. The wrap itself is plain flavored. A toothpick will be
stuck through the middle with red cellophane stringies attached.
Why? You are walking to the beat of your own drum, you tend to be outside the
realm of current pop culture, not afraid of your own likes and dislikes. The
absence of meat is because you seem to despise anything crude. You are neat
(remember wraps are totally enclosed, not like a soft taco with everything
falling out one end!)
Editor's Note, part deux: Now, we have sample sandwiches. We all know people like those described here. Ok,
we'll be nice and not name any names! ~K
Meatball sub - Everyone knows someone like this. They never seem put
together...there is always a shirt un-tucked, mussed up hair, a spot or hole
in their shirt, their life is always in chaos, and even though they might
always be on the go, they only go in circles, never forward. But, the
Meatball is likable, an old faithful that people can always return to. The
Meatball Person is usually of Mediterranean complexion.....so if a person you
have in mind as a Meatball Sub Person is more on the fair side, you might want
to consider a Chicken Parmigana Sub.
Club - The Club person is....classic.... a bit pretentious, but always well
put together and pleasant to the eye. Appearance is very important to this
person.....this is represented by the neat triangles of the sandwich and the
toothpick that holds it all together. The Club person usually has diverse
interests, represented by the different layers.
Bologna on white bread - This person is at first glance, seemingly all
American.....but upon further exploration, there is something sketchy about
this person....afterall, what exactly IS bologna? This person lacks a depth
(bland white bread) to their character, for the most part, What you see is
what you get.
Cheeseburger - this person is more of an authentic All-American than the
Mr./Ms. Bologna on white bread.....this might even be what Bologna is
aspiring to be but never quite makes it. Garnishing is important with
this....no lettuce, tomato or onion represents those that are more
understated, the true boy or girl next door but without any frills. Those
with lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles, etc., are those that are a bit more
flashy, the ones that always end up in the limelight.
The California Wrap - While the Meatball Sub Person is usually always of dark
complexion, the Cali Wrap is almost without a doubt blonde and fair.
Attractive to look at, well put together and trendy. Almost everyone likes
the Cali Wrap.
Finger sandwiches - These people are usually always a pleasure, and a rarity,
to meet. Usually petite, well put together and fresh, these people are
classy. Their appearance is usually understated but always appropriate.
Contest! Interesting theory, eh?
I'll bet you are thinking up sandwich descriptions for people you know already. In that case,
you should have no problem with this little contest: below are some sandwiches - your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to write personality
descriptions for them. Mail your answers to me at sandwiches@theminx.com
and I'll print the most interesting ones in next month's issue.
Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato
Powerhouse
Peanut Butter and Jelly
Chicken Salad on Wheat
Reuben
Pit Beef, with lots of Horseradish, on Rye
Grilled Cheese
Fried Egg on Toast
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