Can holding a mirror to Christopher's past reflect into our future? ~Kathy
Visions of My Past and Your Future
I used to be the type who obsessed (no snickering, please) with the New Year's ritual of setting elaborate goals for the upcoming year. I would review my success at achieving last year's stated goals (at best, mixed; at worst, a near total fiasco). I'd then draft a new list (usually nearly all of last year's plus a couple of fresh ones), and embark upon a new round of failure. (I found it best to start by safely hiding, er, storing, the list deeply in a desk drawer.) At its zenith (nadir?), my list reached maybe 20 goals under five or six major categories.
And what does any of this have to do with YOU? I'm guessing that most readers of this are young (by *my* standards), so let me first list for you some major events (external and internal) in my life in just the past 25 years--maybe about the time remaining until you near retirement--as working examples. Then perhaps I can convince you to at least change the way you think about YOUR life and your future.
Visions of My Past
1973 (my age 26)--The Arab Oil Embargo doubles gasoline prices overnight. I own a VW bug at the time, and quickly abandon my plans for the gas-guzzler of my dreams. Curse international politics! Shortly thereafter, I bought the first of a succession of Honda Civics.
1977 (age 30)--I start law school, a long-time dream. It's a tough decision, though, over which law school. I decide it's best to quit my current very nice job and move to the D.C. area to attend Catholic.
1980-81 (ages 33-34)--My career plan HAD been to go into one of the "do-gooder legal services" fields, such as the Legal Aide Society--miserable pay, buts lots of "psychic income." But I run into my wife-to-be at our high school reunion, and we marry. Neither she nor her two young boys is impressed with psychic income.
1982 (age 35)--My company only permits one week off to study for the Bar Exam. Ya'right. I quit, study hard for six weeks, and, upon admission to the bar, start a new career as a consulting attorney to the same industry.
1987 (age 40)--"Black Monday" strikes the stock market (it drops about 35% in a few days). Our marriage already in trouble, my wife ties up our joint finances, and I'm forced to liquidate some retirement funds at a mega loss.
1988 (age 41)--In a last-ditch effort to save our marriage, I again switch careers to one my wife finds more suitable. It doesn't work, of course. We split, sell our Dream House, and I move to an apartment in Laurel.
1994 (age 47)--My employer offers me one of those golden "better opportunities," which requires moving to Arizona. Being a self-confident and optimistic guy, I think I can handle it, and move 2700 miles west.
1997 (age 50)--Not only hasn't the golden opportunity proven out so much, I learn I can't handle living so far from my family, friends, and Maryland. I return "home." Thank God.
1997-Present (age 51)--Thru sheer chance encounters, I develop several meaningful hobbies, which have given me great joy and comfort--writing (especially poetry), photography, and ballroom dancing. Thank you AOL.
Visions of Your Future
So what is the meaning of all of that to you? Perhaps you'll find some meaning in the following overview of how I've changed my process since I was your age.
As I matured, I realized that the "old way" was no longer suitable for me. Why? Besides the negativity from the repeated failures, I guess my view of my life itself had changed. I began to see my past, present, and future in different terms. Not as convenient one-year increments, but rather as a seamless procession. More as a tapestry, rather than a series of snapshots. I also began to see it in more general terms, not so readily subject to "To Do" lists. (How do you fit "become a better person" into a To Do list?)
I've also always been the type to devote a significant amount of time to reflecting on my past (in big and small terms). In doing so, I also came to realize how often unforeseeable events, such as those described above, affected my life. Some of those were events outside of my influence, from the major (e.g., the Arab Oil Embargo) to the minor (e.g., financial markets). And many events were within my control, but arose suddenly (e.g., my marriage, job changes).
And as with everyone, my values changed rather dramatically over time. "Success" (in my career, for example) became less important, while "relationships" became much more so. The less tangible slowly replaced the readily identifiable.
Where has this led me? These days, I still see the New Year as a time to take stock and plan, but in a much more informal and general way. I will devote more time to reflecting on the past, less to the immediate present, and more to the long-term future. And I will think more about the "who" of me, and less about the "what." I've been doing this for several years now, and am quite pleased with the process. After all, it has led me to my present interests in writing (particularly poetry), ballroom dancing, and photography. I would have never even thought of those before... too far removed from the tracts I was on.
Oh, and of course... no more cursed To Do lists.
I hope this rambling has been of benefit to some of you.
